Understanding the Unlocking the Power of Secondary Gains.
How to get to the root of what’s keeping you stuck and move forward with confidence.
Have you ever felt stuck, but regardless of what you do, you just can’t move forward?
You know you need to change something, you may even know what you need to change, but you can’t commit to the first step? The key might lie within the idea of secondary gains.
What Are Secondary Gains?
Secondary gains are the hidden benefits achieved from staying in a situation, even if it’s detrimental. These benefits are often subconscious meaning you may not even be aware of them, inhibiting your motivation to change. For example, you might stay in a job which makes you miserable because it helps you avoid the fear of failure or judgment for leaving. While feeling miserable isn’t great, the secondary gain (avoiding fear) provides a feeling of comfort and safety.
Examples of Secondary Gains
Avoiding Responsibility: By staying stuck, you might avoid the pressure of new responsibilities which in turn might avoid the fear of failing.
Receiving Support: Staying in a difficult situation can bring attention or support from others which might feel validating and comforting. In turn this could make it harder to let go of the problem.
Fear of the Unknown: Change can mean stepping into the unknown, which can be scary. Staying stuck offers familiarity and predictability which maintains control.
Avoiding Conflict: Sometimes, improving your life might mean confronting others or making decisions that create conflict. Staying stuck can help avoid these uncomfortable situations.
Preserving Identity: Your current situation might be tied to your identity. Changing could mean redefining who you are, which can be overwhelming.
Avoiding Painful Emotions: Change can bring up painful emotions like grief, loss, or fear. Staying in your current situation can help you avoid facing these emotions.
How to Identify and Address Your Secondary Gains
So, how do you uncover these hidden benefits?
Get curious: Ask yourself probing questions to consider what you might be gaining from your current situation. “What do I avoid by staying here?” or “How is this problem helpful to me?.” Notice patterns and pay attention to recurring themes to reveal underlying secondary gains you might not be consciously aware of.
Acknowledge the Benefit: Validate your feelings and acknowledge the benefits received from the secondary gain. This will build self-understanding and trust.
Find Healthier Alternatives: Look for healthier ways to achieve the same benefits. For instance, if procrastination helps you avoid fear of failure focus on building self-confidence and resilience.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals that move you away from the secondary gain. Small, incremental changes can feel less intimidating and more sustainable.
Understanding these secondary gains and the hidden benefit they bring might provide short-term comfort but often comes at the cost of long-term growth and happiness. If you can identify and address these secondary gains, you’ll be better equipped to make meaningful changes in your life. The transformative power of secondary gains can be huge, finally helping you to break free of what’s keeping you stuck and to step forward with confidence.
What to know more?
As a qualified career and life coach with 20 years of HR experience, I'm skilled at helping you find the clarity you are looking for and turning this into action. Get in touch to discuss how coaching may help you find the direction you need, or click here to book one of my coaching programmes.
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